Twas the Lice before Christmas

'Twas the Lice before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, but there was a Louse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that no Head Lice would ever be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of not scratching danced in their heads;

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature Lice Squad sliegh, and eight tiny Lice Squad angels near,

With lice in my family, so frustrating and on my scalp.

I knew in a moment it must be the Lice Squad help.

More rapid than eagles their coursers they came,

Those lice bit us, they sucked us, and caused us great pain;

"Now, itchy! now, stigma! now, pesticide potion, On, hassle! on crying, on goes the lotion and bitten the one with the red little nose. He led them all on to wash all of our cloths.

To the top of our pillows! to the top of our heads!

Now dash away! dash away! all lice be dead!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the Lice Squad they flew,

With the sleigh full of combs, and experience too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The combing of hair and killing of lice poop.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,

Off fell the lice and Down the chimney Lice Squad bound.

They were dressed all in visors, from their heads to their foot,

And their clothes were all clean from head lice and soot;

A bundle of prevention they had flung on their back,

And they looked like an angel when they opened their pack.

Their eyes -- how they twinkled! their dimples how merry!

Their cheeks were like roses, their noses like a cherry!

Their droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And they said your lice will be gone soon we know;

The stump of a comb they held tight in their teeth,

And the enzyme they used was such a relief;

They had a kind face and a little round belly,

That shook, when they combed like a bowlful of jelly.

They were empathetic and funny, a right sight to myself,

And I laughed when I saw them put my pesticide on the shelf;

A wink of their eye and a twist of their heads,

Soon they gave me to know all my lice would be dead;

They spoke not a word, but went straight to their work,

And pulled all the lice out; without even a jerk,

And laying their fingers aside of their nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney they rose;

They sprang to their lice sleigh, to their team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight,

"Happy Lice Free Christmas to all, and to all a Lice-night."